Thursday, March 25, 2010

How To

Instructions for the care and feeding
(A) of a houseplant.

Houseplants are notoriously fickle. Read the back pages of any seed catalog or Chapter 1: Assembly of any container gardening book, and on and on and on they go, listing the nutrients, fillers, fertilizers, aerators that are absolutely necessary to ensure the health and well being of the four-inch green leafy number, and before two blinks of an eye the soil has been checked to see if it has the right pH, a twice weekly automatic watering system has been installed, several hundred dollars spent on lightbulbs that emit wavelengths at just the right parts of the spectrum, and all the best windows in the house are taken up by rather scraggly looking plant growth.

After measuring out bone meal, manure, coffee grounds, after checking for infestations of spider mites and aphids, after discovering a mysterious fungus on the African violet and mushrooms growing in the hibiscus, then the cat decimates the fern, and, you know what? Fuck it. If god had intended plants to grow inside houses, they would root and flower without human intervention.

pase de abordar

pretty, eh?