Wednesday, March 18, 2009

and in every definition, the opposite is also implied

Local Bulletin Board.

Lost & Found.

Found. One key; color: stainless steel. Appears to open domestic lock of doorknob or deadbolt. Please write to claim, providing rubbing of matching spare or address of inadvertently locked door. Residue of hot pink plastic around keyhole.

Found. One inebriated gentleman of indeterminate late middle age. Clothed in flannel and Boston Red Sox ball cap, slightly soiled. Asleep in doorway of residence #3; please claim at earliest opportunity. Reward for removal.

Found. Small cloth bag containing set of solid gold antique Spanish coins. Describe color of bag and number and weight of coins.

Found. One black tennis shoe, brand Reebok, men's size 9. Frayed shoelace, otherwise in sound condition. Please verify ownership by providing mate.

Found. Small fledgling bird, probably a sparrow. Please advise how to proceed.

Lost. Black sock, blue stitching and heel, 100% silk, knee length. Last seen at the Hillside Laundromat.

Lost. One dozen eggs, brown, extra large, organic, still in basket hand woven from reeds. Last seen at Tuesday afternoon farmer's market, but may have been left at post office, bank, or hairdressers.

Lost. Corkscrew. Traditional waiter design, engraved along arm with cursive script reading "To Snookums, 25 years and no worse for wear." Reward. Last seen on Nob Hill Park, picnic area #32.

Lost. Small yappy white dog, badly groomed, dingy hair from rolling in mud. Answers to the name of Puddles. Must be located before wife returns from Florida. Large reward.

Lost. Child, age 4 or 5, male, wearing striped overalls and carrying a water gun. Last seen in the grocery store cold cereal aisle. Parents are due to return from vacation on Monday: report all sightings to the above address.

Pop Quiz 3/18/09

name: Pippi

Define these terms; then, please, use in a sentence.

1. epistolary
of, or relating to, the study of pistols as used in short range combat
Alexander Hamilton was killed in an epistolary duel over a matter of very little purpose.

2. home
a gnome who has gone bald, either through genetic predisposition or as a side effect of medications
When Harry reached the age of forty, he knew he was home to stay.

3. insomniac
a dweller of the island of Saint Helena, whose inhabitants are known to be insular in opinion and fanatical about persecuting outsiders
Fodor's Travel Guides recommend that casual tourists only interact with insomniacs when other options are no longer available.

4. secret
a sect of believers who hold that conducting nightly raids on the safe deposit boxes of suspected but unconvicted fraudsters is the only path to divine grace
The secret is out to find the Bernie Madoff holdings.

5. rambunctious
a foot sore similar in appearance to bunions, found only on the hooves of male sheep
Mary noticed the unusually rambunctious sheep in the fields that wet April morning, and promptly telephoned the vet.

reading Elinor Lipman, charming and diverting
weather unsettled