Wednesday, February 20, 2008

lunar eclipse

Three in one year, then not another for another three. Rather metaphorical, what?



Eat beans, one more than the years of your age,
        and repeat,
"Out with the devils, in with good fortune."
            Japanese proverb,
            from Calendar Moon, Natalia Belting


One more than the years of your age.
One more than the years of your age.
One more than the years of your age.

Feel the youth, within you, the rooting, the branching, the spreading, the maturing, the strain against skin indicating physical space requirements in excess of current capacity.
The eyes opening wider and wider as the pupils struggle to take in more than they can see, scenes and visions that vanish and fade from view before their physical shape is imprinted on the retina:
          the shadow, the concept, the outline
          the only observation.

One more than the years of your age.

Remember reading the Little Golden book even though it was several fewer than the years of your age.
Remember stretching to reach the light switch, placed for someone who has grown into their age.
Neither are for you.

One more than the years of your age.

This is what it always returns to: the focus on growing into a perceived potential.
The drive for the promotion for which you aren't quite qualified, but know how to grow into.
You are too small for the britches that will soon be last year's style.

Wearing the uniform of the establishment, using mimicry to secure access, pantomiming the secret handshake so they think you belong.
Are you one of them?
Are you one of us?

One more than the years of your age.

The eighteen year old carrying the woes of the middle aged; the observations of death, of heartbreak.
Seeing loss before having the emotional language and detachment to allow loss to tumble into the abyss, to age, to ripen:
experience too soon ferments into bitterness and fatalism.

One more than the years of your age.
One more than the years of your age.
One more than the years of your age.

Have you taken the Real Age Test? Is 60 the new 40? Is forty "over the hill"? Where is middle age? Will insurance cover Botox?

One more than the years of your age.

Before the year is over, will you die? Leave a family struggling without your support? Have you considered a life insurance policy?

One more than the years of your age.

You could go at any time. Car accident. Food allergy. Bee sting. Staph infection. Flu. A lump in your breast. A heart attack.
Someone, somewhere, died while you read this sentence.

One more than the years of your age.

Do you have insurance? Life insurance, health insurance, car insurance, fire insurance, property insurance, liability insurance?

One more than the years of your age.

Or do you have faith, that god will provide, that your spouse will be promoted, that your ship will come sailing in, that your raving lunatic of a supervisor will move to Bali and you will become the manager. That you will die before April 15 and leave the tax paperwork to your heirs and none of this will matter anymore.
Eating bonbons and playing easy listening versions of spirituals on your harp in the heavens. You were surprised to discover that god is an avid golfer, but you have all eternity to pick up the game, so pass the bonbons, please, and nobody knows the trouble I've seen.

One more than the years of your age.

Where were you when Kennedy was shot?
Do you know how many children don't give a damn that Kennedy was shot? He was just some white guy in a car that was gunned down. They weren't even born yet; their parents weren't even fertile yet.

One more than the years of your age.
One more than the years of your age.

Feel yourself growing into the next year. The next hair turning grey. Each strand slightly closer to grey as it grows, a quarter inch per month. Root touch ups every six weeks, then every four weeks, then every two weeks.
You remind yourself that the grey is premature.

One more than the years of your age.
One more than the years of your age.
One more than the years of your age.
One more than the years of your age.

Are you turning into your mother? Are you turning into your grandmother? Are you still acting like a teenager? Have you saved enough for retirement? Would you survive a month without a paycheck?

One more than the years of your age.

Always playing dress up in the part of the adult that you hope to be, shoes too large, your mother's lipstick.

One more than the years of your age.



reading the history of the Mason Dixon Report, as published in the Philosophical Transactions, 1768

weather single digits again